THE SOFTWARE ENGINEER'S SONG
An
programmer told me before he died,
His
wife could never be
satisfied.
So he built a
bloody great wheel,
Affixed to a
piston made of
steel.
Two
balls of brass he filled with
cream,
And ran
the thing from a
computer screen.
He programmed
the thing to
thrust and thrust,
And in his
software he placed
great trust.
He lay his wife down on
the bed,
And tied her
ankles above her head.
He placed his
device in
the place to fuck,
And patted her
thigh and wished her luck.
And then he ran
the .exe file,
And left her there with
a bloody great smile.
In and out went
the piston rod,
His wife she gasped and yelled "
Oh God!"
In and out went
the thrusting beam,
His wife let out a
blood-curdling scream.
The fuses blew and
the lights went dim,
And still
the contraption shafted her quim.
From
the capacitors smoke did rise,
His wife yelled "stop! and crossed her eyes.
The programmer swore and yelled "
Goddam,"
There was no exit code in
the bloody program.
Stuck in a
while loop which he couldn't break,
She yelled for her husband to hit "
ESCape".
While most of his code it couldn't be faulted,
He hadn't devised
the code to
abort it.
And now we come to
the tragic bit,
From ass to tit his wife was split.
He'd written no
routines for
error detection,
The program couldn't handle
exceptions.
And it made no
difference which key he hit,
The whole bloody keyboard got
covered in shit.
The moral of this tale of terror,
Is
write some code to handle errors.
If you write a program to
shag and
bash,
Then bung in a way to make it
crash.