It started innocently enough. Years ago, I started viewing images compressed with the
JPEG codec. "Unlike
GIF", its featureset stated, "this image format uses a
compression algorithm that discards portions of the image not perceived by your
brain." "Wow!", I thought, "What a great idea,
why waste space and download time on image data my brain can't use?" Even though I felt a fondness for the
lossless GIF format (this was before
Unisys became
patent-
anal), the reasons to switch to
JPEG were too compelling:
smaller file sizes AND more colors! I downloaded a good
JPEG viewer for
DOS and bought a brand new
ISA Cirrus Logic 1MB true-color
SVGA graphics card and installed it in my
386 - I was about to experience graphical bliss. Little did I know what hidden ulterior motives this format had in store for me.
My initial response to this influx of new imagery was quite stimulating, but as time wore on, something seemed lacking. I couldn't quite put a finger on it, but something was wrong with what I was viewing -
the thrill was gone. Becoming less and less satisfied with the usual run-of-the-mill images, I began to seek out more
unconventional images. This lead me down a
dark path, where I left the comfortable confines of the local
BBSs and started associating with seedy characters on a major
online service. It wasn't long before I realized I could get any kind of images I wanted; I could
experiment to my heart's content and find new images that brought back the old
rush I've been without for so long. Some of what I tried made me
sick, some
did nothing for me, and finally I found images that put me in a nirvana-like
state of bliss. I became obsessed and it took over my life. I would not sleep, nor eat nor go to school;
my life was deteriorating, yet I was happy as long as I could get my fix. I would log on, find an
image trader and we'd both stay online for hours exchanging collections.
One day, I woke up and couldn't look myself in the
mirror, realizing what a
pathetic waste of flesh I had become. "
This ends now!" I told myself, and
deleted all my JPEGs. Just like every day inevitably leads to night, this lack of images lead to
withdrawal. I became nervous, "
How can I get more JPEGs with nothing to trade in return?!", I asked myself. Sure enough, when I got online, no one wanted to share since I had nothing to give them. They couldn't help it though, they needed new images as much as I did, and I had nothing to offer. I was at the point that I couldn't take it anymore - then I realized I had a few images on
backup disks hidden away. I decided to continue on my quest for images, but
not allow the addiction to control me. I started researching more deeply into
perceptual encoding, to try and find out why I couldn't break this habit.
Finally, I found out that the information removed by a
perceptual compression algorithm is actually used by your
brain to acknowledge the arrival of the information. Once it is removed, your mind no longer realizes it is being
stimulated and starts to demand more information to make up for what was lost. It's like eating
cotton candy, sure it looks
big and fluffy, but it can't whet your
appetite because it has little substance; you'd have to eat tons of it. This explains why people are so obsessed with
JPEGs and
MP3s on the Internet. Now that I understand my addiction, I'm doing better as a person and on my way to becoming a
productive member of society.
Heed my advice and avoid perceptual compression -
It'll fuck with your mind!
* Don't take this seriously, this entire node is a joke!