Findings:

• I would have leapt at the innuendo you had strewn at my feet.
• I would have attempted to draw her if she had stayed that way.
• If it had been able to, the light would have smiled
• Why would he want a writer when he could have a dancer?
• "The Americans in their wisdom have taken the heads off the pictures, enlarged them and superimposed them with the heads of animals and then strung them up all over the walls of the interrogation room," he said
• What would aliens think of us if Everything was all they had?
• They have a trendy name for every different kind of fucked up.
• Would I have hid myself away if I had known I'd never be found?
• What if I had never met you? How much the poorer would my life have been.
• What would aliens think if they talked to an average western human being?
• You stole what they would have given you
• They made the sunrise for people like us just so we have an excuse for why we're still up.
• I would have cooled this if you had written it
• I have no proof that he would ever want to kiss or destroy me.
• he would have cried
• The ones with their priorities straight don't know how to get what they want, and the ones who get what they want have messed up priorities.
• "Of course humans aren't intelligent. They don't even have glurbleflukers. If you can't glurblefluke, you're not sentient."
• It would have been an excellent story but I had to get off the train
• he would have laughed
• I would a thousand times rather have had a simple cheap sandwich with a friend
• If I had the money I would get lost. God knows I have the time.
• He's been places they have not.
• He had a prison of brass built in the hole, and then, when it was finished, he locked up his daughter
• Why the ancient Babylonians would have loved high definition television
• They have taken enough
• If people weren't meant to be eaten, they wouldn't be made of meat!
• I always knew I would have a 21st birthday but I never thought I'd be 21
• Have you eaten (rice) yet?
• people do, on the whole, have the right to be who they want to be
• Have I forgotten how to stand up with the humor and the need?
• Never meddle in the affairs of wizards, especially before they have their coffee
• if music was a woman you would have a mistress
• You can't have everything. Where would you put it?
• She had become a mutton for punishment and he was a wolf
• They are angry and they have been lied to
• I would have tried, but Charlotte kept Charlotte in the world of Charlotte and she barely heard me
• If you were team captain in a pick-up game of baseball and had Jesus Christ on your team, what position would you play him?
• What tasty food would be distusting if eaten over rice?
• The zeal of thine house hath eaten me up
• Where have my wings gone? They are hidden, embarrassed to be seen.
• Bernie would have won "ANY BREAKFAST BAGEL SANDWICH" at McDonald's
• The FOOLS! They laughed at my theories at the university, but I'll have my revenge! I'll have my REVENGE!
• When I woke up this morning I had no regrets - I felt no shame
• Nodes your Grandma would have liked
• If you didn't have free will, would you know it?
• Do unto others as you would have others do unto you
• Man's desire to blow shit up, and to have a nice attache case
• if you have had your midnights
• Why beverage cans have concave bottoms
• Girls who tell you they have a boyfriend
• They must have faces
• He will have the taste of warm ripe fruit in his mouth
• just to have some human contact
• All the terrible disadvantages an invisible man would have in the world
• I have to get up early and do laundry so I can wear something nice to the weirdo sex club
• Karl Marx must have had a lousy job
• Did You Ever Have to Make Up Your Mind?
• A lot of houses don't even have anyone to board them up.
• because I have given up any care
• Yesterday, I believe I would never have done what I did today.
• Never underestimate the impact you have on your fellow human beings.
• Can God create a boulder so large He can't have anal sex with it?
• Friend, you have a lot to learn if you think loving me would be a bad idea.
• Would you rather have a matrimony profile?
• Bernie would have won
• They say the smog is the reason we have such beautiful sunsets
• I would've taken an axe to it, but I'm pretty sure the dryad would have pulverized me
• How and why do we (humans) have culture?
• he had a dream
• They had built the Unrecordable Sculpture again last night
• If this were in person, I would have kissed her now
• I realized the book would not be destroyed as I had planned
• Ernie and Bert are not gay. They're puppets. They don't even have legs.
• And I would have gotten away with it, too, if it hadn't been for you meddling kids!
• Why couldn't it have been an action picture that had just started?
• Baptist fear of dancing
• The dead eat hope. We had none to give them, so they were pretty emaciated by the end.
• If we catapulted outlaws, only pawn shops would have guns
• The "How many partners have you had" question
• It's not enough they take your life away with a gun; they have to take it away with their pens, too
• you would have been
• You have had sex with all the people your partner has had sex with
• If I had a rocket launcher, some son of a bitch would pay!
• It is never too late to be what you would have been
• Hello, my name is... Would you like to have sex?
• I have pushed many humans I have shoved many more
• Shall I tell you stories of other stars: stars that you love, that deserve your love. Stars that do not disappoint, and disgust, and disgrace your love. Oh, I have hope they exist for your sake!
• I would like to have emotions
• People have fucked up before
• Questions I have had today
• If we had a more developed tailbone, would we wag our tail?
• She disappeared as if he had only dreamed her
• If everyone had a flower instead of a gun, there would be no more war
• Paper, rock, scissors. They all have their pros and cons.
• I may not have had enough of me but I've had enough of you
• They have no bones.
• No one has ever died because they DIDN'T have a toothpick
• i have messed up. i am a horrible person.
• I might have expected that the mushrooms would worship you
• We have met the enemy and he is us
• I would have killed for a sexual thought
• When I woke up this morning, I thought I was a parallelogram. I still have a sneaking suspicion.
• The Story of Jason Squiff and Why He Had a Popcorn Hat, Popcorn Mittens and Popcorn Shoes
• Living well is only the best revenge if they don't have a fuckable sibling
• we woke up to find you gone. well, said the city, we still have the river.
• If I had the nerve, I would ask you
• some people are so poor, all they have is money
• If they can get you asking the wrong questions, they don't have to worry about answers.
• The Message of King Sakis and the Legend of the Twelve Dreams He Had in One Night
• if you had it as an option, would you take it?
• He tells me that I could have his heart and I want to take it right then, slip it into my pocket and run
• They call you heartless, but you have a heart, and I love you for being ashamed to show it. You are ashamed of your flood, while others are ashamed of their ebb.
• Don't ever lie. If you lie to your friends, they won't trust you, and you'll have nothing, and you'll never be safe.
• People who think they have to double-click everything
• How many lives could have been saved had we just said "Please" more often?
• people who were not to be trifled with; people who would dance, and had no notion of walking
• If a frog had wings, he wouldn't kick his tail when he jumped
• I had no idea what he thought about me.
• They had been expecting me
• What kind of year have YOU had?
• He had fallen in love, but I'm pretty sure the hellhound was only in it for the belly rubs
• How many a dispute could have been deflated into a single paragraph if the disputants had dared to define their terms.
• Amakuni once drew an old sword of his from a box, suddenly overjoyed by something he had cast aside.
• We have had enough of your beige
• King George he had a Date
• They have potential, if they only applied themselves
• How does the Military Selective Service Act apply to individuals who have had a sex change?
• What Have They Done to the Rain
• Why some mammals have an aversion to water
• You should have killed me when you had the chance
• How to tell when you have really messed up your relationship
• For future reference, when in eternity or insanity; dreams I would like to have
• They could have sprung 50 cents for a connector
• Having an S on a transcript rather than a B
• Don Quixote had his windmills, I have my helicopters
• He Had Not Where To Lay His Head
• What Have They Done to the Rain?
• They had left, but her mascara kept running
• If I had called you, would you still be dead?
• Advantages an invisible man would have in the world
• I thought I had some great insight into human nature, but I didn't
• I have to check and see if they wear panties
• Having gotten myself into a position where I can have my cake and eat it too, I feel no compulsion to get up from the table
• When they say "Gotta have it!" they mean it!
• No human artists have appeared in the Top 40 music chart for the past 5 years
• Guys who don't tell you they have a girlfriend
• People want what they cannot have
• You know what? I've had it up to here with "Trix are for kids!" Give the rabbit a fucking bowl of cereal, you dick!
• They Have a Word for It
• If you had swerved a little to the right, you'd have missed it
• I have a face I cannot show, I make the rules up as I go
• Roman Catholic theology of a cloned human's soul
• They say that I have the best ass below 14th Street
• All of us have looked up to an older kid at some point
• We had to go away ... and dream it all up again
• How many genes do we (humans) have?
• I would have liked thunder when she left
• Buying things just because they have cool packaging
• They Had No Poet
• I love you so much that I have to break up with you
• I have had enough of Survivor
• What pornos would have us believe
• The eyes of the dead may not blink, but they have been known to wander
• See a penny, pick it up and all day long you'll have good luck
• Terminating a pregnancy due to Down Syndrome
• If Gore Had Won (A cautionary tale)
• They could have saved Kevin
• Things that would have seemed unbelievable about 11 years ago
• To a Poet, who would have me Praise certain Bad Poets, Imitators of His and Mine
• People only enter relationships to have extravagant break ups
• though they could speak and had beautiful voices
• He had something to say. He said it.
• Wishfully think they have souls.
• from where I stand I can see they have already won
• Every morning when I wake up, I feel guilty for all the things I have ever been
• Having gotten myself into a position where I can have my cake and eat it too, I feel a strong compulsion to get up from the table
• I have made up a name for my disease
• when I am King, we will have no such things, but, my lads, if the old king my father were dead, we would be all kings.
• If it were a snake, it would have bit me
• So long Arthur Miller! Who do I have to look up to now?
• Would ye have a young Virgin of fifteen Years
• The Fun They Had

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