You can have hair down to your buns in no time.

The first step to growing long hair is, believe it or not, to put your hairbrush in a hard to reach location and forget that you own it. Did you notice the mattress that your brush steals every time you brush your hair? Yeah. Isn’t that a little alarming to you? It's ripping your hair out of your head everyday. Keep the brush hidden away for dire emergencies, say, the President of the United States just pulled into the driveway and you look like hell.

Now for supplies. Buy one of those little black plastic combs, shouldn’t run you more than a buck at the wally-mart. While you’re there, get a bottle of high dollar conditioner. I’m not going to advertise for any special company here, but when it comes to conditioner you definitely get what you pay for. So splurge a little, because you’re worth it. On the other hand you can get the cheapest shampoo available. All shampoos perform the same job of rinsing the dirt away, no matter how much they cost.

This is the most important part. Take a shower, wash your mop, then apply a healthy coat of conditioner to all the hair on your head. Take the little black comb in hand and now begin to comb the conditioner through every strand of hair. Start at the bottom tip of your hair and work your way up, through any tangles, to the scalp. This ensures that ALL of your hair is, in fact, conditioned like it should be, and also that it is free of tangles. You’ll lose a few hairs as usual, sure, but not fluffy fur ball you USED to lose with the old brush. When rinsing the conditioner out, try to use the coolest water you can stand so that while the bulk of the conditioner goes down the drain, a fine protecting layer will remain on your precious strands all the day long. If the water is too hot, you will lose this loving sheath of cream rinse. What you do with the rest of your shower is up to you.

In addition to the above daily ritual, you need to quit cutting your hair. If you want something to get longer, quit hacking it off. Ignore the myth that split ends make your hair stop growing, or that each person has a finite length of hair, predestinated at the beginning of time, the length of which your hair will not grow past. That’s just crap.

Once the hair dries, there are one or two fairly boring hairstyles that will maximize growth. Sorry, but you’ll have to keep your hair in a braid for a long time, with the ends tucked under and pinned inside your hair tie so they don’t get thrashed throughout your hectic day. Some days you’ll get bored and try two braids, or some other creative endeavor, but the next day you’ll forget and go back to the same old braid. When it’s time to go somewhere nice, you’ll take the braid down and everyone will coo over the long wavy tresses.

Long hair is pretty easy to take care of, but be aware that it’s not always a tea party. You could sit down on the toilet, only to find you are peeing on your own hair. Shah. And how sexy is a mid-coital cry of “Ow, your pulling my hair!” Don’t be discouraged. And stay away from hairstylists, who were pumped full of lies in beauty college.