Bizarre Christmas Incident

The history of this song is quite interesting. Back 2000 Ben was asked to write a Christmas song. What he wrote was a nice song titled "Santa's A Fat Fuck". He presented this song. But he was suprised to realize that the studio wanted a song to put on the "How the Grinch Stole Christmas" soundtrack. Folds saw his folly.

Ben went back to work. He finally came up with "Lonely Christmas Eve". This was ultimately put on the record. So the "Santa Song", as it came to be known in the Ben Folds community, was stuffed away. The problem was, though, Ben really loved this song. So a year later, in December 2001, he finally released it. The song is not found on any albums or singles. It is only a web-release and planned to air on a few alt-rock radio stations.

Amazing update of goodness: This release can now be found on Ben Folds' new Christmas album, entitled "Bizarre Christmas Incident." It contains this song and "Lonely Christmas Eve" to boot.

From the .com
by december 1st, all your favorite local independent record stores will have a special ben folds vinyl 7" christmas 45 in stock featuring the previously unreleased "bizarre christmas incident" and "lonely christmas eve" previously only available on the soundtrack cd of the film "how the grinch stole christmas."

"bizarre christmas incident" will also be on the "maybe this christmas" compilation cd along with xmas cheer from coldplay, ron sexsmith, bright eyes, jimmy eat world, jack johnson, barenaked ladies, sarah mclachlan and more.

Ho ho ho...ugh..
Hey, grandpa, let's tell 'em a litte story about what happened this Christmas...

Yeah, tell 'em!
Tell 'em about Christmas!

Christmas eve,
I didn't get much sleep
I kept hearing things;
Heavy breathing from the chimney.
Who could it be?

What happened then, man?
Yeah! What happened then!?

Well, I went back to sleep.

You went back to sleep? Shit!

I was tired!
I went back to sleep.

And in the morning,
I couldn't believe my eyes,
A whale of a corpse,
With a long white beard,
Was hanging over the fire!

Oh, Santa, he's a big fat fuck.
Went down the chimney,
Got his fat ass stuck.
Oh, honey, call the lawyers fast,
'Cause Mrs. Claus is gonna' sue my ass.

Hey, hey, hey! Yeah...oh, oh...

Okay, grandpa, step up,
Singing this thing right here,
Tell 'em what you saw,
Tell 'em what you saw, grandpa.

I gotta' tell you folks,
He wasn't wearing no clothes,
He must have rubbed a whole gallon of crisco,
From his back down to his toes.

While I was talking to the cops outside,
The dog was licking crisco off of his thighs,
They hauled him away in a double-wide,
What a sad, sad way to die.

Oh, Santa, he's a big fat fuck.
Went down the chimney,
Got his fat ass stuck.
Oh, honey, call the lawyers fast,
'Cause Mrs. Claus is gonna' sue our ass.