Dream Log: August 30, 2002

Lindsay was reading Through The Looking Glass, and telling me "This is so fucked up - Alice in Wonderland is just stupid, but this book is different - Lewis Carroll had such a strange mind." I was writing a story on small pieces of paper and little notepads. I was checking into a plush hotel with gold counters and a marble floor, and a bored-looking, suspicious clerk told me that he had to transcribe my story notes to process my payment. I was afraid he would read my descriptions of a sunset and think that I was stupid.

When I left the hotel I got on a bus which drove all the way through the city centre and out towards the suburbs where I lived. The city was a strange mixture of many cities I've been in - London, Amsterdam, Dublin, Paris, crowded with buildings and traffic and people, the offices and churches and hotels leaning into the street and blocking out the sunlight. I looked out of the window and saw a gigantic bendy three-sectioned double decker bus trying to turn a corner at a busy intersection. It was full of kids yelling, but I don't think they were scared. They were on a school trip. I noticed that Lindsay's ex-boyfriend Misa was on the bus with me, and I sat down next to him and we talked. I feel a lot of warmth towards Misa in the dream, and I think it must be because in my subconscious mind he's become confused with an old friend of mine called Stephanos who looks very similar. I went past my stop so that I could get off the bus with Misa and walk part of the way home with him. I thought "Lindsay is going to think this is really strange!". I asked him which way he lived, and he pointed up over the top of a distant hill that looked like a scene out of Myst - there was a futuristic observatory surrounded by small trees, and the sun was shining off the glass. I knew I was going to end up going there, and I hoped I'd be able to find my way back home again.

I am being chased by something. It frightens me. I cannot see what it is. There is the sound of a deep rumble close behind me. There is the dank smell of fear growing stronger about me smothering all other scents. I feel an unreasoning terror building deep within my gut. Fight or flight. I choose flight.....always I choose flight.

I run as fast as I can, hearing the crashing behind me. I leap into the air. I am trying to fly. I fly by "treading water", like swimming as a frog except it is in the air. It is clumsy at best. I am rising slowly, bobbing up and down, gaining only inches at a time. I kick my legs hard, increasing the power of the strokes hoping to speed up.

I hear trees falling and growing thunder. I am just above the treeline. I feel the swoosh of air about my ankles as if something had just taken a swipe at me, barely missing. The fear builds.

I pump my legs harder and harder, always just out of reach , yet not getting any higher. My heart pounds erratically, not knowing what I run from.

It's always ended this way....just stuck between the sky and the earth, neither caught nor free. What was I so afraid of? More importantly, why am I swimming in airdreams once again?

It upset me genuinely to wake up this morning from my dream.

It was Christmas in Upstate New York, Rochester, to be exact, and my friends and I were frolicking in the snow, before heading off to my highschool where, believe it or not, Rammstein was performing IN MY GYM.

Well, that doesn't happen everyday. I happened to be able to sit in the VERY FRONT ROW, to see them perform a completely new stage show of completely new songs that I'd never heard, one of them involving Till Lindemann dressed as Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz, complete with ruby slippers. I found it hilarious and pulled Till off the stage so I could tell him.

He decided to sit with me and watch the rest of the band perform. There was a scene where every band member was bound in a white spiderweb that exploded at some point during the song. Till leaned back against my chest and asked me to play with his hair. How do you turn that down? You don't. We chatted for a while and I said,

"You should come to Chicago during the Gay Pride Parade. The boys on Halsted Street would be in LOVE with you." He laughed and said maybe one day he would.