It's never simple, never sweet. Always summed up as the ever-present
dread of
falling for a boy.
Never
streaming-
consciousness, always feelings untold. He doesn't want to know how I
feel... he's a man... men fear
emotions, men
fear love and committment... So I go on, wondering what he's
thinking (if anything), what to say next. I am
subtle in my actions, when all I want is to scream "You are
beautiful god damn it, we
mix well together"!!!!!
I actually said something late at
night to him, which I regret now, it sounds cheesy in
retrospect, but it's what I felt. I said "I feel your
energy... and I like what I feel".
What if people said exactly what was on their
minds all of the
time -
everything? What if people lived in a constant
state without
inhibition? What are we so
afraid of? I don't know anyone who ever says the entire truth all of the time. So many rules in this
society. TACT SICKENS ME!!!
I suppose I should
defy rules and express everything, ask him to
indulge me by telling me everything.
F*** these
masks, these
facades that the
ego creates in hopes of protecting us from
pain. Pain is inevitable and without it we wouldn't be
human, we wouldn't have
experiences, we wouldn't
learn. From now on, I refuse to
fear getting
hurt by a man, I refuse to fear
rejection.
This woman's
perspective.