this is a life-long
problem I am learning to deal with, but it is very hard. I can speak intelligently in most situations, but when things get
weird, I just shoot total
nonsense. Like last week, I was at
IHOP. I am just sitting there smoking a
cigarette and bam I just say, "I have stuck my finger in every
Steak N' Shake waitress in the state of
Illinois." It just came out and loud too, so like 5-6 tables heard it. This one girl looks up at me and makes this weird
deer-like face and then turns away. I then proceed to try to the cover what I just said with some shit about how it was their mouths so don' t think anything
dirty, but that really didn't cover it, it just kinda made it weirder.
other things I've said at inopportune moments:
"well shit, I've got a tiny man crawling out of my butt again." (at the dinner table)
"Chester Fucking Arthur!" (as some sort of exclamation statement)
I yell "poop!" at kids that walk by my apartment building for shits and giggles.
I call most women "mandy" for no specific reason. (actually, some women kinda like this one for some reason. Barry Manilow perhaps?
Most everyone I refer to as either "potentially handicapped" or "perishable food items", as in: "There's a large crowd of perishable food items at this baseball game."