Nanaca Crash

To crash...

is nightmare of humankind. Some of the most graphic technology related disasters in the course of history have resulted due to flight gone awry. There is a terrifying symbolic resonance when this happens, some reoccurring nightmarish collective subconscious, some squirming and choking, begging us to keep our bodies firmly in contact with earth. Against our better judgment, we have used inventions to propel us into the sky, ranging from methods as crude as being blown out of a cannon to intricate combustible engine driven winged vehicles.

Nanaca Crash introduces a new way to fly, falling right about in the middle of the extremes of crudeness and complexity in flight— it involves a seifuku-clad, bike-riding agent of vengeance as the ignition and then the complex sexual tension of high school relationships as the fuel.

This is not a metaphor at all.

It a new video game on the interweb. In fact, it is THE new video game on the interweb, it's so hot, that it's hotter than a hot hotcake fresh off a hot skillet.

If you've played it, maybe you've noticed a faint, disturbing undertone to it. You can tell something is not quite right— it’s when the game loads, isn’t it? It’s that anime style picture of Nanaca, riding her bike. You can tell, somehow, that it's dirty, that it's perverted. Is it that her kawaii smile seems a bit too inviting? Are those schoolgirl clothes maybe a tad bit too tight? Doesn’t it seem intentional that the picture cuts off right before that unbearable, upper limit of her thigh? Could Nanaca Crash have some kind of subtle, subtle schoolgirl fetish? Yeah, probably. Somehow, you know this, even though there is nothing explicit in the game itself.

Here is why. Nanaca Crash is the genius bastard child of the two most unlikely game genres ever to cross breed: the novelty web game and the H-game. To be more specific, the game play shares many basic similarities with “penguin launching” web games that were supposedly popular a few years back, but it takes its cultural, narrative basis from Cross Channel, a Japanese adult PC game. I wish I could tell you more, and explain exactly what kind of game Cross Channel is, but I haven’t had the pleasure of ever engaging in the H-game genre, nevertheless this particular installment. For more information, I would recommend doing some research on the website Something Awful, in the hentai game reviews section.

But for now, I wash my hands of this matter. Onward, to the game itself, which is entirely about 96% squeaky clean.

The Basics of the Game-Itself

are as follows. From the main menu, hit “Play.”

The screen shows our teenage heartthrob, Taiichi (太一), standing complacently at what appears to be a high school running track with an ubiquitous giant red arrow that says TARGET above his head, (not unlike that iconic little thunder cloud follows unlucky cartoon characters around.)

This is where you, the player, come in. You click your mouse, select the desired angle and power, and then send Taiichi into the skies of love.

Ah, well, yes. It’s not really you giving Taiichi the boot. Your mouse clicking decisions were but mere orders, diligently followed by our titular character, Nanaca (七香), who rams a bike into Taiichi at the appropriate speed and angle. So, while you as the player have more an implied presence, Nanaca is the star of the show. She’s our avatar in the way the little tiny mounds in Missile Base that the missiles come out of are your avatars. And Taiichi is your focal point, because the object of the game is to get his spinning ass to fly as far as possible.

To the casual player, the game ends here, dumb luck taking over, in a very Progress-Questian kind of way. Aim 45 degrees. Get lots of power. Hit and match that 300 meter mark that eight jigabillion other players already have.

But to those with an extraordinary amount of time on their hands— this is far from the end... In fact, it’s the beginning, which is far from the end.

Dramatis Personae

Our lovely cast of high schoolers! For the most part, they seem to be angsty teenage girls that would love nothing more than to scissor-kick, uppercut, karate chop and katana-slice our flying target, Taiichi. And who can blame them? What better way than to deal with the alienation and pressures of adolescent modernity than to propel your attractive and popular peers at extreme velocities into the air with stylized martial artistry!

As far as game play is concern, whenever Taiichi flies into one of these people, they will respond in various ways, usually with the aforementioned beatings. From what I’ve gathered on the interweb, they are often identified by their colors, as the names are not translated to English in the instructions. However, for your enjoyment and pleasure, here they are, complete with the Kanji and everything.