A common
misconception among young people who have experienced
rejection in their love life. The idea is that it's possible to
demonstrate the sincerity of one's feelings by
public displays of misery, aimed either at the object of
desire or mutual acquaintances,
thereby inducing feelings of
bad conscience and/or love.
It seems rather silly when described this way, but I know I have been in
situations where it was all sound and rational. Chances are, you have
too.
While it is necessary to allow oneself to grieve after a breakup, it's
also necessary to eventually get over it and get on with
life, because if one keeps focusing on the negative aspects of the
situation one risks sliding into depression.
Depression often seems a tempting alternative to forgiveness, because
it gives the sufferer an excuse to remain impassive without getting
blamed for it. But this is a false sense of security; depression is
always a destructive force and it will end up making things worse.
Another motive for volountary suffering may be to paint oneself as the
victim, to play the role of a martyr in
order to gain recognition and
sympathy. We all need affection from others and this may seem an easy
way to receive it. But, while this is really what friends are for,
they will eventually tire of providing support to someone who really
doesn't want to feel better. And you can't be a martyr if nobody cares.
Oh yes, the title is of course taken from the song 'Self esteem' by
The Offspring.