"you should be sneaking out past your parents not your children"
One of the problems with
being the "older woman" is that
prioritising one's life becomes a massively complicated process.
On the one hand there is your
family. Your children need you, and
deserve your full
attention. They require you be
available to you whenever they are awake. They require this attention both for
serious problems
(I fell off my bike... I'm bleeding... I think I just set the dog on fire...) and for the many tiny moments of
self affirmation and ego-building that are necessary for human
growth and development
(I wrote the word "beautiful"!... I didn't win the race, but it was just for fun, and I'm happy... Would you like to come to a tea party?)
And for a million and one other,
uncategorisable things
(he's pulling my hair... She took my shiny Garidos... he won't stop
looking at me)
Then there are the
day to day tasks that come with
responsibility to other human beings. The washing of clothes and crockery, the making of beds (and the 3 am
midwinter changing of beds - although it's often simpler to strip the child and tuck them in with you until morning) the
cooking, and
shopping, and
gardening and and and and ...
And on the other hand, there is one's
beloved. He needs you, and
deserves your full attention. And whilst he is unlikely to require your attention whenever he is
awake, he
will feel saddened and left out when you are not there for serious problems
(I can't find a job... My parents are angry with me... I need a map of the Aiel Waste and there just
aren't any) or for the many tiny moments of self affirmation and ego-building that are
necessary for human growth and development
(I finally got the wings in my drawing right... I've got a job
interview tomorrow... Would you like to come to a movie with my mates and me?)
And for a million and one other, uncategorisable things (
what are we going to get him for his 21st?... have you seen the latest PVP?... Do you prefer Willow to Spike?)
Then there are the day to day things that come with choosing to share one's life with another human being. Always making time for him when he needs or wants you. Not being
waspish or
snarly, even when you've had a bad day - it's not
his fault the children tried to
wash the
cat.
Most of the time one can run these two lives in
parallel. You see him when the children are at
school, or
sleeping, or with their
father. You call him when they are playing with friends, or on the computer.
But sometimes the lines
converge.
When he's
staying over and your daughter goes into a
jealous fit, because he'd rather
cuddle you than her; when she
creeps into bed with the two of you in the middle of the night... and then
wets the bed; when you're both enjoying a great
gossip, filled with television
trivia and little loving fluttery nothings, and your son needs you to explain the meaning of the word "tampon" to him.
Having your afternoon delight interrupted by a rudely poking finger,
belonging to a five year old.
Mostly, you balance the two lives by burning the candle at both ends - Mild
Mannered Mother by day, but by night the Wild Temptress with nothin' but Lerve
on her mind.
Mostly, it works.
Mostly.