Lie on surveys

Do it... do it now! If someone on the street asks you to complete a multiple-choice survey, mark (a) for every answer. Fill out credit card applications that come in the mail with totally bogus information. Register new accounts at online vendors and web-based email services, writing in phony names, and giving them the email address of someone you hate. Go to sparkmatch.com and fill in the answers that that lying bastard/bitch of an ex-boy/girlfriend of yours would answer. Don't hang up on telemarketers and telephone survey people... they're just trying to do their jobs, and make a few bucks to feed themselves. Instead, give them ten minutes of your time (you would've just wasted it anyway) so they'll get their money, and lie to them so that the stupid fucks at some company's Marketing Division will get faulty data.

I got a free t-shirt earlier today for filling out fake information on a Verizon phone service application. You can reap the rewards too! And if the people doling out the surveys aren't offering prizes to people for filling them out (although they will most of the time if you walk around the corporate red district that is most college campuses), you'll get practice in useful skills such as creative writing, random number generation, and of course, lying. This is the ultimate solution for those of us who are tired of leading a boring, meaningless existence, but can't bring ourselves to engage in the socially accepted cop-outs, such as ending it all, spending weeks at a time drunk/stoned, or staring at a TV all day.

At least twice per day, I hop on over to the news sites and check on what's happening in the world. I also stop by CNN's Money section to check on the few stocks I own.

While I'm reading an interesting story, I get a big blue box that appears over the paragraph I'm reading. If I scroll down, it continues to block the middle of the article. If you ignore it for a while, it goes away. I tend to avoid clicking on any box that says "close", since there are quite a few bits of malware floating around. It pisses me off that I have to wait to take some survey to finish reading. It's the equivalent of someone standing in front of you just before you enter your favorite coffee shop, asking you to take a survey and blocking you from your destination. Eventually they go away, but I hate them wasting my time. I'm already good at wasting my time, thank you very much.

Now, when those boxes pop up, I take the surveys. Yes, I looked at the page code to check if it was the legitimate survey link. Typically, they're about companies in the news, and they're looking at how the public perceives their press releases. I make sure I put in legitimate-sounding answers to the beginning questions, and then I slam the ad campaign. Hard. I even take the time to put in intelligent-sounding reasoning when they give me a free-form text box. I've sent in over thirty surveys about Bank of America alone. They must think the world hates them. Unfortunately for them, I think it's an accurate representation.