Hello today, Mr. and Mrs. Happy American Pop Dance Consumer? Are you likeing the danceing music very much! Also am I. This is for why we choose to give you DURAN DURAN. Many good few minuets of pleasure our yours now.
Lo, for long ago, back in the halcyon days, three mighty brothers walked the earth as giants, much like Prometheus, Epimetheus, and Atlas, or possibly Hanson. These were the Taylors John (bass), Roger (drums), and Andy (guitar). With Nick Rhodes on keyboards and Simon LeBon (whose name roughly translated means "Simone the Bone") on vocals the five joined limb by limb to create the unstoppable juggernaut that is DURAN DURAN!!! Praise Jebus!
Like laser blasts forcing a city of innocents to scream in terror, their singles were galvanic. First came Girls on Film, which united the widely disparate audiences of cineasts and females. Then Hungry Like the Wolf, which was a chilling tearjerking tale of starving lupine children. The coo dee gra was Rio, which should only be listened to while dancing on the sand or if you are a river. Some restrictions may apply. Do not expose yourself to the raw power of DURAN DURAN without proper protection.
Thanks to the acronym of the new age, the power of these man-like gods was globally visible and galactically feared. They were declared the favorite "band" of Princess Diana and broke all exisiting merchandise records, including those set by actual musicians. But this glory could not last, and after the release of the Bond theme A View to a Kill (which, by adding the word "from" to the beginning of the phrase, as in the original Ian Fleming story, rectified the film title's gross grammatical error), Taylors model R and A left the group for undisclosed reasons. Undaunted, the remaining three colossi released the single Notorious, which has a small claim to artistic merit due to its placement in the film Donnie Darko when the filmmakers could not afford the Pet Shop Boys.
Much later the ordinary single Ordinary World and its follow up Come Undone (not nearly as fun as the corresponding Weezer single) would torture a whole new generation of promgoers with extravagantly expensive nonsensical videos. Even laterer the band's album of covers received rave reviews by the artists being paid tribute to, including Led Zeppelin, Iggy Pop, Lou Reed, and Bob Dylan. This proves the thesis that all rock stars should be put to death at age 40. Apparently suffering from a baseless boost of confidence, the final Taylor quit the band to pursue a solo career.
But lo! Is that a five-minded robotic death machine I see on the horizon? No, it's got zero minds! Yes, at this very moment, all Taylors have reunited to work on a forthcoming DURAN DURAN studio album, set for fall 2002 release. I see you shiver with antici...
pation.
Discography:
Nota bene: D.2. Boyfriend by The Moldy Peaches, about this band, is the worst song on their album, yet it is better than every song DURAN DURAN ever wrote. Discuss.