Gymnastics is a sport that some people are excellent at and other people fail miserably. It involves doing impressive stunts on weird springy things called trampolines, vaults and a whole set of different variations of bars (not alcoholic bars either) and other horrendous torturing apparatus. These are only for the very athletic or the very stupid. Or masochists. So obviously, normal people need to get out of it quickly, especially if you are in a high school like mine. Fortunatly, you are not alone. Follow these simple guidelines, and you'll be able to take the nasti of gymnastics.
How to Avoid Gymnastics
- Make up some sort of infection or condition. This is easy enough if you know a few Latin or Greek roots, suffixes and prefixes. Some suggestions: polydihydrade deficiency, nanoexomusculus syndrome, calf polyneoius. Also, think of an obscure last name and stick 'syndrome' or 'condition' to the end of it. Suggestions: Montigue syndrome, Nelson's syndrome.
- Try going through a magazine, especially the feedback columns and choosing a less-well known, but not obscure name.
- Above all, have your condition well rehearsed and off by heart. Don't hesitate. Practice on a friend and see if they think it is believable. If they don't, either keep practicing or make up a different condition.
- Remember – conditions don't always have to be physical. Psychological conditions are always more believable as they are extremely hard to diagnose. A good idea is to have a friend to back you up, saying you had it since birth. Vertigo is probably the best condition for gymnastics.
- 'Forget' your PE uniform. Easy, but some schools have a penalty. Most, however, are better than going to gymnastics.
- Start crying. Think of the saddest thing possible, such as your sister / brother / mother / father / relation / pet / friend / teacher / node dying and it should be easy. Unfortunately, this also makes you look like a bawling baby, so think of this only if you cannot pull off any of the others.
- Faint. This is easy for some people, and effective. When you `come around' blame it on the heat / breakfast / noise or lack thereof.
- Threaten legal action. Only do this if you could actually sue them.
Remember, most of these examples can be adjusted or used straight out with any other sport or activity, so print this node out and keep it in the pockets of your PE gear and you shouldn't have a problem.