The Rapture did not happen on January 20, 2025. Fundamentalist Christians were not lifted up to Heaven in a glorious wave, as predicted by a 15 year old girl. Granted, if you beat and assaulted cops on January 6, 2021 you might have felt pretty rapturous as you were pardoned, your sedition forgiven, and you were released into the wild to beat up your children and maybe get shot by cops. January Twentieth did not mark the Second Coming. But it did mark the ascension of The Antichrist.
I know what you're thinking. You never imagined the Antichrist as a cheeseburger-swilling, ketchup tossing goof wearing diapers. You were thinking of Young Sauron. Or maybe you were thinking of Randall Flagg, the Man with No Face, the antagonist in Stephen King's apocalyptic The Stand. You were imagining a man of boundless malice, a person who took true pleasure in the torments of others, in a lean, mean belligerent machine. And maybe you got that. Except for the lean part. Trump is definitely not lean.
But hear me out. Trump may need depends to get him through a round of golf, but he is everything Jesus was not. Jesus summed up the heart of Christianity is "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’a 31 The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself. There is no commandment greater than these.' Matthew 12 3-31. Yeah, Donald Trump is all about that, particularly when he's grabbed someone by the pussy. Ask E. Jean Carroll, whom a jury awarded a cool $83.3 million for sexual assault. Or maybe the migrants Trump put in concentration camps during his first term, and whom he wants to drop 3OK of them into the prison at Guantanamo Bay, like the 9/11 conspirators. We know they're lazy, after all they left their home and walked a thousand miles across jungle, mountain and desert to get to America, where their criminal horizons were brighter. True, immigrants are far less likely to commit crimes than your average native-born American, but you're talking facts. Facts are something we've blown past in the 21st Century. Soldiers are needed at the border because nothing says you're serious about keeping out brown-skinned people than M-16 fire.
And look, Greenland should belong to us! The Danes were once Vikings, but now they're a bunch of a socialist, peace-loving wimps living in Europe and hardly have a navy. The Gulf of Mexico should rightly be called the Gulf of America, because we have power and power is the only value. We're going to stick it to those nasty Canadians who lurk north of our border, selling us oil and playing their hockey game with those bent sticks which look nothing like global warming. The Mexicans are brown and weak, and sell us drugs! They need to stick to guacamole, and Americans don't need fresh vegetables anyway. Real men eat meat!
When real Americans grew up, we all looked the Brady Bunch! We don't need research grants, and Elon Musk is the perfect person to oversee the distribution of of Social Security, Medicare and Medicaid disbursements because he doesn't need any of those things and is thus the perfect person to get rid of those deadbeats sucking off the National Tit because they're old or sick. If they wanted to retire, those losers needed to become millionaires at the very least. They're losers and America doesn't need them any more, because they probably can't do anything for Trump, and don't have too now that he's in power again. Hell, we may not need anymore elections now that Project 2025 is (unofficially) underway. Soon the Deep State will be extinguished. Soon professional competence will be a thing of the past in our civil service, replaced by partisan loyalists whose only purpose to keep Trump and Republicans in power. Who needs accurate weather reports anyway? Or actual science? Science is for corporations. Let the Nothern Spotted Owl die. It's evolution, which we don't believe in any more, and certainly won't insist be used to indoctrinate children.
Trump will usher in a new reign of God, where muscular Republican Jesus replacing the Biblical simp. Our Jesus is muscular, loves his guns and hates the all the same people we do! We're America! We don't need the Sermon on the Mount or the Parable of the Good Samaritan. Samaritans are foreigners and we already have to many of them. They and their anchor baby kiddies are headed for Guantano, until we can drop them back where they belong. In Hell. In America, Christian morality is all for the little people, those who can't afford to bribe Stormy Daniels or hang with Jeffrey Epstein. Principles are for those peole, and never hinder a true patriot!
When you look at Trump, what he has done, what he is doing, and knowing he has the keys to the nuclear football, can you imagine a better AntiChrist? He's the AntiChrist with comedy and comedians will enjoy this moment before they're rounded for not standing With Trump. Because we all soon will stand with Trump, sing patriotic songs, keep our legs crossed and never again be ashamed of the fact that our ancestors might have held other human beings in chattel slavery. America is perfect and the greatest of all possible places to live, the most perfect of all possible societies. It's time to stop moping, and watch football. Or maybe basketball, even if it is full of black guys. We can keep those black guys--- they're millionaires. We will Make America So Great that Jesus himself with return. As if he'd want to.