Here's the stuff we found when you searched for "I found satori in the bargain bin at Wal-Mart, and I’m fucking pissed off cos I paid full price for that shit when it was new"

• Goddamnit, man, it's like this shit knows what I'm fucking thinking
• I'm sorry I was speeding, officer, but I really have to get to the hospital
• when i get my shit together i'm going to rule this town
• How to tell when someone else is full of shit
• bargain bin
• I was throwing around useless proverbs when all she needed was to be held and told that she was beautiful
• for a long time i was afraid i would forget; now i'm afraid i might not
• The Firestone dealership was full to the brim with cars. But I reasoned I would need a boat, since my desire was to go to Ireland. Just then a harsh reminder surfaced; water is expensive in hell.
• Once when I got like this I thought I was building a boat
• When serpents bargain for the right to squirm
• I'm fucking addicted, OK?
• I'm starting to think I was a waste of a perfectly good placenta
• somehow I felt hopeful, as if I have finally found a ragtag army of fellow fighters, none of whom cared what socks I was wearing
• How a terrorist can deliver a nuke to a US city at a bargain basement price
• When touch was simple
• man when you are telling me how it was
• I learned never to empty the well of my writing, but always to stop when there was still something there in the deep part of the well, and let it refill at night from the springs that fed it.
• November 4, 1995
• Women want me when I'm taken
• I'm a slasher... of prices!
• Piero Manzoni
• Some vampires actually get pissed when you tell them to Have A Nice Day
• Don't touch me when I'm on a boat
• The Price is Right is Fucking Rigged
• Do you remember how small your body was when you were five?
• When she was bad
• I remember when it was me who made her skin flush
• When Frederic Was a Little Lad
• I wish when I closed a book I could set it on the shelf and know it was really over
• When I Was A Baby
• Back when our blood was still warm
• I don't remember what life was like when I was seven. I like the taste of air. What should I do?
• Suicidal teens fucking piss me off
• There was silence in my heart, but you found a way to break it.
• The sandbox, it is full of shit (category)
• I'm wishing Jesus was here again
• When I'm long dead, the bee will win
• Paid in Full
• He was found
• I was so much older then, I'm younger than that now
• I'm going to have to science the shit out of this.
• A poem I wrote when I was 5
• When I'm at my computer.
• When I sneeze, I get cross, and when I get cross I'm liable to do something wicked.
• When I was ten years old
• There was a time when I was a better person
• When I was young
• When I was little my mother told me not to sit close to the T.V., so when I was six I did.
• It wasn't until later, when I was washing the blood off my hands, I even knew they were dead
• When I Was Born for the 7th Time
• This was when I knew my childhood was over
• Oh, when I was in love with you
• and when you woke up, your goldfish bowl was empty?
• Waiting until dusk, when it was safe
• When I was 9
• When I Was a Babe
• When I woke up this morning, I thought I was a parallelogram. I still have a sneaking suspicion.
• And when she came back she was nobody's wife
• I remember when it was me who made you want to take over the world and enslave humanity
• I didn't know such things when I was young
• I Fell Out of School, and All I Found Was This Necklace
• The train station was fucking freezing and
• Are you such a fucking loser you can't tell when you've won?
• The hole in the ground for bodily waste when camping
• I am so clean I am so filthy I am so hollow I am so full of shit
• Trying to keep up with technology, when the quiet full moon is momentarily more than enough
• I didn't ask if the glass was half full or half empty. I've always had enough to drink.
• I'm glad the evil overlord was on my team
• When the aliens attack my workplace, I'm going to be so damn READY
• Stop saying "religion" when you mean "a particular religion about which I'm bitter"
• Holy shit, you mean I'm not invisible?
• I'm Rudy Giuliani! I was mayor of New York on 9/11! I Should Be The President!
• finding my way back to sanity again, though I don't really know what I'm going to do when I get there
• i'm a wiseguy when I'm drunk
• I'm always breathless when you call
• I'm the only person who'd ever told him to his face he was beautiful.
• When the shit hits the fan
• Shit, piss, and corruption
• at least in dreams when shit gets ugly you can still fly and whistle
• When I was your age
• Alternatives to "Oh Shit!" when visiting the Great Aunts
• i can feel your ghost when i'm alone
• What do I do when I'm alone?
• When my ten year old niece found out about masturbation
• when you asked what I was writing, this is what it was
• When I was five
• When she was new, she rolled around the sky like a black umbrella blown by the wind
• When again between cities was comfortable and right
• It was late when he came home; it woke you up
• I remember when it was me who made her toilet flush
• When I Was Cruel
• He had a prison of brass built in the hole, and then, when it was finished, he locked up his daughter
• I am sorry but when you were talking I was admiring the shape of your lips and evaluating their kissability
• When I was young Time had no wings
• When I was five years old, I knew I was going to die
• The smiles you smiled when you thought no one was looking
• When daddy was the handsome prince
• When I Was One-and-Twenty
• Who shouted with glee when the colour blue was born?
• When I awoke, I was alone, and screaming
• When he was little, he laughed in his sleep.
• The Marlboro Man died of cancer, but he wasn't a rocket scientist when he was healthy, ha ha ha.
• someday, when she will think back upon the time when she was as yet undishonored
• When Desire Was a Virtue
• When I was Fair and Young
• When I was very young, I knew that the world was made of honey.
• When he was five, his father made him murder his imaginary friend.
• When the Space Shuttle Columbia was destroyed on re-entry, I felt a deep sorrow that Cowboy Bebop was now implausible
• He made me promise I would do this when I was next sad. So I promised myself I would not be sad again.
• It was daylight when you looked up from your ditch
• I wonder when I learned to smile when I was being hurt
• now, when it's nearly impossible to get lost and twice as impossible not to be found
• we went to the stars, but all we found was ourselves
• I still haven't found what I'm looking for
• I lived in interesting times, came to the attention of those in power, and found what I was looking for.
• I Was Lost and You Found Me
• Hello, I'm fucking your daughter
• Holy Shit! Man Walks on Fucking Moon!
• Piss without farting, die without fucking
• I will fucking REMOVE your writeups about Cloud Strife and how he's cool and mysterious and shit
• Hello, I'm your fucking daughter
• I'm not fucking bored
• I'm no fucking Buddhist, but this is Enlightenment.
• When at last I found no further traces of the living or the dead, then I stopped.
• I'm reading this like you're chewing with your mouth full
• His love was enormous; it cleared rooms that desperately wanted to be full.
• I walk around when I'm high
• The glass is half full when it comes to your life up until this point. The glass is half empty when it comes to everything you've missed out on.
• Fucking yes, I'm a fatphobe
• Shit, it talks; I'm out of here
• i enjoy myself most when i'm all alone
• If my roommate doesn't keep his hands off my shit, I'm gonna fuck him up
• Don't touch me when I'm screaming
• How can I talk about love when the bacon is burned and the house is an absolute mess and the children are screaming their heads off and I'm going to miss my bus?
• I'm not a geek, and I wish I were
• I know more when I'm alone
• When I'm Sixty-Four
• I've fucking HAD IT with you, you piece of shit!
• The day I found out I was a guy
• I'm so pissed I can't stand up
• It’s memories that I’m stealing, but you’re innocent when you dream
• I'm too old for this shit
• I'm so worldly, I shit globes
• fuck it, I love you even if I'm gonna feel like shit
• Don't make me angry, you wouldn't like me when I'm angry
• I always sound Irish when I'm trying to be charming
• I'm sorry, I didn't realize God was on campus today
• btw, I was raised on Twinkies, I'm certain it made a lasting effect
• He had fallen in love, but I'm pretty sure the hellhound was only in it for the belly rubs
• When I'm wearing a bonnet and sipping pretend tea with Miss Ponykins and Zippy the Ugly Zebra, that's when I feel the most like a man
• Theories about the future that make you think "Holy shit, I'm scared!"
• I'm gonna miss this light when it's gone. I'm gonna miss this darkness too.
• I used to think of sobriety as a purgatory, and that to be under the influence of drugs was relief from it. Now that I'm older I believe the opposite to be true.
• Some Jews actually get pissed when you wish them a Merry Christmas
• No shit, there I was
• before the internet when teen had REAL relationship the boy could look at the girl and judge the diameter of her thorax with his feelers and determine whether the mating ritual could commence but NO MORE. evil woman use her computer sorcery
• If I was any good at this, I would be getting paid
• what i'm trying to show you is something that i was shown
• What I wrote when I was missing David
• When the shit hits the Diffusion pump
• When the Pope says shit
• Climbing cherry trees when I was younger
• When life gives you shit
• i feel alive when i'm close to the madness
• When I'm swept up by the Rapture, grab the wheel of my pick-up
• She dumped me when she found out I'd been faking my Scottish accent
• When H.A.R.L.I.E. Was One
• When I Was a Lad
• When I Was a Boy
• When we was fat ( ... or, Lord Gym)
• When that cow would walk it was like she was dancing
• When I was a kid, I wanted to get tuberculosis
• So I was balls deep in the guy's ass that night when he turns to me and asks for a kiss. Damn. What a fag.
• Back when grunge was still cool
• You knew I was a rattlesnake when you picked me up
• Where were you when Kennedy was shot?
• Poetry you found that you wrote when you were ten but secretly still like

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