Findings:
- Of King Sigmund's last battle, and of how he must yield up his sword again
- How Helgi, the son of Sigmund, won King Hodbrod and his Realm, and wedded Sigurn
- He had a prison of brass built in the hole, and then, when it was finished, he locked up his daughter
- How Candide Found His Old Master Pangloss Again and What Happened to Him
- How many times has God twiddled his thumbs before he put vertebrates on the Earth?
- He wakes up everyday, puts an empty gun in his mouth, and pulls the trigger.
- How Candide Was Brought Up in a Magnificent Castle and How He Was Driven Thence
- "I see," said the blind man to his deaf wife as he picked up his hammer and saw
- A half-man, half-monstertruck ex-CIA vampire must save the world the only way he knows how: with ROCK
- He who does not forget his first love will not recognize his last
- I feel the way bank robbers must feel before they go out on that last job that ends up getting them all killed. That is to say, optimistic.
- This must be the night when I remember how to fly, when the breeze catches my weight at last
- Of the shards of the sword Gram, and how Hjordis went to King Alf
- How the Old Woman Took Care Of Candide, and How He Found the Object of His Love
- Amakuni once drew an old sword of his from a box, suddenly overjoyed by something he had cast aside.
- I should ask my barber where he gets his hair cut, then go there and slowly make my way up the chain
- How King Siggeir wedded Signy, and bade King Volsung and his son to Gothland
- How the King Changed His Mind
- King Canute and His Nobles
- When he was five, his father made him murder his imaginary friend.
- He will have the taste of warm ripe fruit in his mouth
- How the Nome King Became Angry
- He Died with a Felafel in His Hand
- Zip him back up, he sucks.
- He's dead, Jim. You grab his wallet, I'll grab his tricorder.
- How long would utilities last if everyone disappeared tomorrow morning?
- How to ride a bicycle up an escalator
- Of Sigurd's avenging of Sigmund his father
- The Lover Showeth How He Is Forsaken of Such as He Sometime Enjoyed
- First to Fall, and Never Again. Learnt my Lesson from the King of Pain.
- King George he had a Date
- That's Just How He Was
- I wanted to see how many times he wouldn't ask.
- How to hold up a bank in Pig-Latin
- How to pick up women
- How Eulenspiegel had his horse shod with silver and gold
- How Dorothy Lunched With a King
- Till Eulenspiegel and the King of Poland's jester
- A line of reasoning in support of the use of force
- How The Nome King Planned Revenge
- The cult leader poured himself a drink and started on about his plans, and I wondered how the priest was getting on
- How Eulenspiegel announced he wanted to fly
- He is honest and forthright with strangers. He reserves his lies for his family
- He's a feminist. He tells that to all his mistresses.
- The last cigarette before you start smoking again
- He Had Not Where To Lay His Head
- Oedipus-Schmedipus, as long as he loves his mother
- He was the kind of man who shacked up for shelter
- He Would Close His Eyes, and the World Would Burn.
- A great big ugly man came up and tied his horse to me
- If my roommate doesn't keep his hands off my shit, I'm gonna fuck him up
- She lights everything up. He glows in the dark.
- How Man creates his Gods
- How Gauss quickly added up the numbers 1 to 100
- How it came to pass that the Art Institute stole the last shreds of my sanity
- Stoned Again; and, How I Managed It
- How to tell when you have really messed up your relationship
- StuartO))) has his head up his ass and could not write his way out of a wet paper sack
- How Eulenspiegel placed himself inside his horse
- How to urinate standing up
- how to set up and use a microphone in Windows
- How to set up and record an EEG
- How to get people to clean up their core dumps
- How I became king of the world
- How to lose your temper, your job and any last traces of respect for Management
- How the General Talked to the King
- How Quetzalcoatl Got His Groove Back
- How to love again
- The Message of King Sakis and the Legend of the Twelve Dreams He Had in One Night
- It was late when he came home; it woke you up
- He flops over and bonks his head
- I knew enough about him to know his name and what kind of snowball he could make
- The Old Man's Comforts and How He Gained Them
- He stretched out his arms but she was not there
- The Good Gardener (On How He Fell)
- I'm up, he sees me, I'm down
- I'm the only person who'd ever told him to his face he was beautiful.
- All the while he was talking she was thinking what his whiskers would feel like on the back of her neck
- It's easier to kick a praying man, because he's on his knees already
- Then again, maybe he was recruiting for a cult
- Even as he watched the sea rise up like anger
- Let's shoot Cupid, see how he likes it
- He made a way to his anger
- when you reflect that john now knows how he's going to die.
- How Candide Killed the Brother of His Dear Cunegund
- how Wiener found his way home
- I sealed up my future where he could not get it.
- Tomorrow, he must tell her that he doesn't love her anymore.
- King without his crown
- Meditation V: Of the Essence of Material Things, and, again, of God, that he Exists
- How can a man stand when they cut off his feet?
- How this broke ass college student manages his finances online
- His Majesty The King's Guard
- How to pick up men
- How long must I stay in my pajamas before I turn into Howard Hughes?
- How to get your stuff voted up
- Backing up your Windows registry file
- Do you know how many times you've woken up at 4:15 with deep insights?
- Holding up a bank in Latin
- The Book of King Arthur and His Noble Knights of the Round Table
- How to make padded swords
- How did I end up here?
- How to set up a formal table
- How to make roses open up
- Aristotle's Lost Library, Medieval Andalusia & Chinese Paper, or How Europe Learned to Learn Again and Why the Renaissance Happened When & Where It Did
- How to f*** up
- How the Union and the Confederacy stacked up at the beginning of the Civil War
- Dust mop so magic she can not believe how fun it is to clean up after people
- How to make a car last nearly forever
- How to hook a TV up to a computer
- Ken Lay
- How to yield to a cyclist
- How to set up a home network with a PPPoE DSL connection
- How to stay up all night if you've been up all day
- They had built the Unrecordable Sculpture again last night
- We had to go away ... and dream it all up again
- Then the walls started to bleed again and I just KNEW I'd be the one cleaning it up.
- This is how we begin again
- As the band laughed, her finger traced his spine, and he folded into her
- I don't know where he gets his words but I like them
- Don't kill your invisible husband to see what he looks like or you'll sob your heart out. But don't worry about the millions of invisible men coming to attack your village because they won't kill you if you don't know how to fight them.
- As I looked back, he was reveling in his own feces
- So I was balls deep in the guy's ass that night when he turns to me and asks for a kiss. Damn. What a fag.
- To me he is a daisy and I keep trying to count his petals
- No matter how wise an old sheep, he can't teach a fish how to polevault
- He has redefined me, again and again
- "Shut up," he explained
- He weaves his words
- As if he knew that words were how I kissed
- How to herd people in public
- He lived in southern California with his tanned, powdered mother
- On Sitting Down to Read King Lear Once Again
- She doesn't know what he sees, but sometimes it makes his face beautiful
- I'm not HIS sister; he's MY brother
- I saved his life. He does not know it.
- How He Didn't Understand Her Whichever
- The Last Thing He Expected to Happen to Him in Hollywood
- He found a liquid cure for his landlocked blues
- I Saw Her Again Last Night
- Mr. Potato Head Sprouted. He got moldy. Now he's all dried up, but he's still up in the cabinet.
- He who seeks equity must do equity.
- In the end, he could quiet his mind only by dying
- He's High Again
- He throws his heart down like a gauntlet
- judge a captain not by his shipwrecks, but by whether or not he blames the sea
- I get knocked down, but I get up again
- He touched her once and she turned into a golden creature. He never touched her again.
- When he was little, he laughed in his sleep.
- I kicked the Martian in his otherworldly balls, and he screamed like the solar wind howling through a planetary magnetosphere
- His memory perishes from the earth, and he has no name in the street.
- He made a felon of himself and ended up a box in our spare room.
- So he's dressed a little differently and he has a halo-like light above his head.
- He taught me how to smoke
- Meanwhile, the PILOT, who has been laughing hysterically through the entire sequence, finally loses it. He falls out of his chair and bangs his head against the panel, causing the ship to lose control and crash into a nearby planet
- He began to learn that waste flows downstream. Imagine his surprise.
- How Gudrun cast herself into the Sea, but was brought ashore again
- mr. T pities the fool regardless of whether he is wearing his seatbelt
- he is too shy to write his tale
- He tells me that I could have his heart and I want to take it right then, slip it into my pocket and run
- "The Americans in their wisdom have taken the heads off the pictures, enlarged them and superimposed them with the heads of animals and then strung them up all over the walls of the interrogation room," he said
- How the Whale Got His Throat
- A man with a tapeworm up his nose
- He just left his body
- How The Rhinoceros Got His Skin
- How Spider-Man and His Amazing Friends wrecked my love life
- up his own arse
- How the Camel Got His Hump
- I will fucking REMOVE your writeups about Cloud Strife and how he's cool and mysterious and shit
- If a frog had wings, he wouldn't kick his tail when he jumped
- He made me promise I would do this when I was next sad. So I promised myself I would not be sad again.
- His Last Line
- How Lucifer lost his superuser privileges
- Giving a cat oral medication
- down under stars coming up, we are home again
- Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and start slitting throats
- His name came up like a match on wooden me
- How the Scarecrow Displayed His Wisdom
- In his autumn before the winter comes man's last mad surge of youth
- I must go to the sea again
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