September 15, 2003

Ahh, the joys of work. I mentioned in one of my last daylogs that I might be promoted at my job, to a part-time supervisor (or stuporvisors, as they're often called). When I wrote that, I didn't really know what I was getting into, and since that time I've learned a lot about myself, and how I act. I've begun to make some very positive changes as I've noticed some negative things about myself, but that's not what all this is about.

I have to write a "Letter of Intent" to the Human Resource guy at UPS. Hopefully, my letter will woo him into promoting me, and life will be good, but I'm not taking any chances. I leave at 12:20 EDT, which is ~16:20 server time. If you could be so nice as to give me feedback on the letter. I'm dealing with a corporation here, and I haven't written many letters like this. I also don't like trying to sell myself like I was a politician, so anything that could be helpful, whether it's imporved word choice, or simple grammar errors please let me know, asap. Thanks guys/gals/others

Dear HR-guy,

My name is Davidian. I’m a 22 year old male currently attending UMass Lowell for the study of History. I’ve been working as a loader on PD-2 of the Chelmsford hub (189D) for over two months. I feel that I’ve learned a lot from my trainers, my co-workers and my supervisors in that time. I have recently caught a glimpse of the training involved with becoming a part-time supervisor and feel that, with my work background and my willingness to learn, I too could be a part-time supervisor. I’m ready to put in the time and effort to broaden my responsibilities.

I graduated from Concord Carlisle High School in 1999. I continued my education at the liberal arts college, The College of Wooster, in Wooster, Ohio. Here, I studied computer science, as well as dabbling in different humanities. After two and a half years at the college, I felt like I wanteda change in direction. Currently, I’m a history major at UMass Lowell. My time as a computer science major taught me how to attack problems and to look for various solutions. I decided to switch to history to improve my writing ability and to learn more about humanity’s past. While I have no degree currently, my graduation date is set for 2005.

I joined UPS around 2 months ago to get a part time job to compliment my collegiate work. Since I’ve started I’ve loaded the heaviest load on the belt, Springfield, and one of the hardest, Whiteriver Junction. In the Springfield load, I was able to see the advantages of the newer equipment first hand. Whereas in Whiteriver I can plainly see the inefficiency of the older equipment and must adapt my style to fit it and the workload.

Prior to UPS, I worked as a custodian, and later, the custodial manager for The Underground, a club on campus at the College of Wooster. With this job I learned the importance of communication between managers, as well as designing a work schedule for my crew of three. In high school, I worked in the theater department as part of the tech crew. During my senior year I had the responsibility of being the chief of the build crew as well as the stage manager for the running crew. This taught me to be responsible for my own actions and those of my crew (as a Stage Manager I was responsible for everything that happened during performances) and how to assign tasks to a crew. I was lucky enough to get plenty of feedback from my crew, as many of them were peers of mine, something I would try and continue with my work at UPS.

Every job of mine has been a learning experience. I look back on my previous jobs and can see where I both excelled and the flaws in my plans and actions, which I feel is the most important feature one could have. While I worked in theatre tech, I spent time going over plans and ideas with the musical director. However, at The Underground, the faculty representative was usually too busy to help us out at all, let alone have a sit down to discuss plans. I have learned to adapt to the different working climates, and am ready to start applying the lessons I’ve learned with my previous experiences at UPS.

My current goal is to graduate college, first and foremost. After that, my current plans are to attend grad school. I feel that I can accomplish my educational goals as well as work had for UPS. I do not see myself leaving UPS before I've fulfilled those goals. I know that I can get an enjoyable work experience that challenges me both mentally and physically as a part-time supervisor. I want to work as hard as I can and learn as much as possible as I know it will help me throughout my life. I hope this has helped you in making this tough decision and thank you for your time and consideration.

So there we were, Friday evening, downing our beers during happy hour when the conversation suddenly turned serious.

I have a friend; a really good friend who I think would crawl over broken glass if I asked him to. I know I would do the same, if not more, for him. We play golf together, we watch the major sporting events together, we share opinions on world events, and, at times we bemoan our station in life to each other. But, I guess, both of us being from the “old school” of “guys being guys” never talk about things of a personal or emotional nature. I think it’s where we draw the line and the practice has worked quite well over the years. You could be hurting all you want inside but whatever the topic of your pain should be best kept to yourself.

My friend is a couple of years older than I am, mid fifties or so, and we’ve both shared some common life experiences. Both of us served our country, both of us have suffered and struggled through the pain of unwanted divorce and the death of loved ones. We’ve both managed to survive pretty much unscathed and while our outlook on life isn’t the most positive, it isn’t the most cynical either.

So, as I said earlier, there we were, up to our eyeballs in beer when he turned to me and said:

Friend: “Bob, I got a favor I need to ask ya.”

Me:”What’s up?”

Friend: “It’s pretty freakin’ important.”

A little history, when we ask each other for favors, it usually consists of something minor like spotting each other a couple of bucks till payday, watching the cat while somebody is out of town or some other trivial matter. I can’t ever remember when either of us has refused a request.

Me: “Sure man, whaddya need.”

Friend: “I want you to be the executor of my will.”

Now if that sentence didn’t get my attention, I don’t know of one that would. At first I was a little shocked and figured he was kidding or it was the beer talking. I could tell by looking at him he was dead serious though. I tried to lighten the mood a little.

Me: “What the fuck you talkin’ about. You ain’t goin’ nowhere”

Friend: “I know, I’m not sick or nothin’. It’s just it seems right. It’s been one of the true pleasures of my life to consider having you as a friend. I look around and see how you are with Anna and I don’t know, it just seems right.”

Me: “What about your family? What about your sister?”

Friend: “My sister is the only family I got and she’s been living in Washington state for the last twenty years or so. We talk on the phone every now and then but we ain’t that close. I’m goin’ to take a trip and visit her at the end of the month but I don’t think it’s gonna change anything.”

Me: “Why don’t we wait and see how that turns out. You never know.”

Friend: “Listen, you gonna fuckin’ do it or what?”

Me: “I’d be honored.”

And so it was, we made a commitment of sorts over the clink of glasses and a quick hug. We went back to whatever had caught our attention earlier and nothing more was said about it for the rest of the evening.

We played our ritual round of golf together this Sunday. All the while I had the feeling in the back of my head that maybe it was the beer talking after all. Maybe, in a moment of reflection, my friend needed someone to be there for him as he pondered the inevitable. No mention of our short conversation on such an important matter seemed forthcoming. As we were nearing the eighth or ninth tee, my friend, perhaps sensing that something more needed to be said, had this to say.

Friend: “You know I’m freakin’ serious right?”

I didn’t have to ask him what he was talking about. I just looked at him, took a deep breath, nodded my head and tried to put one in the fairway.

I guess our friendship might have reached some kind of new level. I doubt it will ever graduate to the point where we discuss our innermost “feelings” or any of that kind of “sharing” that seems to be so popular. I guess we’re just simple men doing simple things and taking simple pleasures. As old fashioned as that sounds, we like it that way. For us, it works.

And now it’s Monday, I’ve had time to reflect on my friends request. In a strange way, life seems a little bit more important today.

Why is it that when a guy comes up to a girl and she is rude to him a.k.a. "Go away," and she states that she is not interested, his only comeback that he can conjure up at that time is, "What? Are you, like, a lesbian?" I swear to God.

So this guy comes up to us at Fox and Hound (Sports Bar) while my two girlfriends (not lovers)and I are playing pool. His opening line, "Are you girls playing for money? If you're not this is a bull shit ass game." Yes those were his exact words. I then say, "Thank you for that, you can go now." This kid weighed less than I do and I think he might have been shorter than me which at 5'3" is pretty hard to do if you are guy. He needed a hair cut desperately and he was not in the least bit attractive. Not that he was ugly or anything, but he was nothing to write home to momma about. I have no clue what his name is b/c if he told me, I wasn't listening. He kinda reminded me of a character you might see on a Charlie Brown special so I am going to call him Linus.

So Linus calls me uptight. Whatever. I guess you are uptight if you just want to be left alone. It would have been different if he wouldn't have been a dick walking up. How does he want me to respond to that? Then he says, "I just want to talk to you." And I say, "Sorry the feeling is not mutual." This mother fucker never went away. So I finally say, "look, you have absolutely no chance with any of us, please go away." And then Linus says, "What are you all lesbians or something." YES, OH MY GOD YOU ARE SUCH A FUCKING GENIUS!!! The only reason we could ever have for not wanting to talk to you or hook-up with you is that we are rug munchers. Way to go Linus. I'm sure Peppermint Patty would be so proud that your gaydar is on point. Mother fucker. So I say to Linus, "No we are just not interested." Then this cocksure cartoon lookin' bastard says, "So I am not getting laid tonight? You could be missing out on the best sex you've ever had." I let him know that that is just our loss and would he please go away now.

He never went away. He sat there by himself being ignored by all three of us for the next 20 minutes and finally walked away. From the looks of it, I think he was there by himself. We thought he was with the table next to us, but he wasn't or at least they weren't claiming him.

So Linus if you are out there, please continue your search for the Great Pumpkin b/c you are not finding it in these pants.

Warning: Incesessant teenage whining in progress

I've always wondered, when I got my own girlfriend, how I'd know if I'm in love or not. People and TV shows always told me that I would "just know", like some mythiological toddler with wings and a sadistic urge to shoot people with arrows would sock one right in my back and all of a sudden I'd be in love.

In real life it's not that easy. I've been going out with Kari for almost 5 months. Before I even met her I saw something in her that made me say to myself, "You gotta get to know her better." She is awesome in every way; looks, wit, intellect, she's got it all.

My problem is this: How do I know what love is? I'm only 18, haven't experienced much of life, and I haven't even gone bungee jumping yet. Love is more then words to me. Plus, I know there is a difference between love and infatuation, but can I recognize the difference when it's in front of me. I LOVE things about Kari, but do I love her as a whole person or is it all just infatuation?

I guess my answer will come in time, as it always does.