Well, I was going to simply tell you about one of my favourite Radio Programmes; Just a Minute. I had a whole writeup planned out, introduction, history, trivia, quotations, the lot. But, you can get all that from Wikipedia. This is everything2. We don't just tell; we show.
So, allow me instead to step aside as Nicholas Parsons takes to the stage and once again declares...
"Welcome to Just a Minute!"
The sound of a piano tinkling a fast three-time piece. Slowly, the music quietens to be replaced by the polite applause of a studio audience. Over this a voice is heard, commanding impeccable Received Pronunciation...
Nicholas Parsons: Hello! Hello! My name is Nicholas Parsons and as the Minute Waltz fades away once more it is my pleasure to welcome not only our many listeners from around the world, but our four exciting, articulate and erudite players of the game who are going to participate this week. We’re delighted to welcome a man who has made an immense contribution to everything2 over the years, I speak of course of that great noder of words Webster 1913! And sat next to him we have that dark, austere stalker of the nodegel; Klaproth! On the other side sits the young, hip and happening Cool Man Eddie! And finally, chained in a cage next to him, stands the one and only EDB! Would you please welcome all four of them!
Applause.
Beside me sits Lucy Walker who helps me keep the score and performs the important task of blowing the whistle when a sixty seconds are up. Tonight we are coming to you from everything2.com and we have a wonderful audience drawn from all corners of the nodegel. They are ready to give our players all the support and encouragement we need, and so we are ready to begin the game.
Webster, we'll begin with you, the subject I have on my card is “Just a Minute”
Webster 1913: Just a minute is a wireless telephony programme broadcast on Radio 4 in the United Kingdom. A quartet of contestants, chaired by Mister Nicholas Parsons compete to speak on one subject without hesitation, repetition or deviation. With regard to the second of these perils, it is important to note that the players are permitted to repeat small words such as "a," "the" or any of the words found on the chairman's card.
Buzzer sounds
Nicholas Parsons: Klaproth, you've challenged?
Klaproth: I have. He has repeated the word "words."
Nicholas Parsons: Well spotted, yes, so that's a point for you and on you go with thirty five seconds left on the subject of Just a Minute!
Klaproth: Once Clement Freud, Peter Jones, Derek Nimmo and Kenneth Williams were the regular guests on this programme, however all but the grandson of Sigmund have sadly passed beyond this life, though the descendant, the great Liberal parliamentarian, does still compete regularly in spite of the no doubt sad loss of his fellows...
Buzzer Sounds
Nicholas Parsons: Eddie, you've pressed your buzzer?
Cool Man Eddie: My man Klaproth hesitated! Check it!
Klaproth: It was a silence out of respect for the dead you uncouth ruffian!
Nicholas Parsons: Yes, but here on Just a Minute we call that hesitation, so with fifteen seconds to go, Eddie, you take the subject!
Cool Man Eddie: Y'know the real skinny on Just a Minute is it's funny man! 'Cos they can't repeat themselves, panellists have to freestyle phrases that would make my momma cry! Like last week when I waz chillin' in da hood with ma homies, an' this fine-ass blonde walks up to me and is all "Eddie, give me some of that sweet ching goodness-"
A loud CRUNCH.
Nicholas Parsons: EDB... you've, erm, mashed your buzzer with your fist?
EDB: De-vi-a-shun. He no talk about Just a Minute. He talk about blonde puny hu-mon.
Nicholas Parsons: I agree with you, quite right, he was obviously talking about something completely different and EDB, you've got in with just two seconds to go! So on the subject of Just a Minute, your time starts, now!
EDB: Urrrr.. Just a Minute is hard.
Whistle blows
At this point the contestants took a short break whilst waiting for a replacement for EDB's mangled buzzer. Unfortunately in order to secure it inside the cage, the technicians had to have the Death Borg tranquillised. During this time Eddie and Lucy had disappeared to somewhere a little more private, probably for quite a while, and Klaproth had stormed out after a heated argument with Webster over the definition of Ralph. With only one panellist left conscious at the microphone a bemused Nicholas Parsons was left to end the show...
Nicholas Parsons: Well, without the players we cannot of course continue in this game and so I shall give you the final scores. In a very strong last place is Webster 1913, but just slightly ahead of him, in joint second place are Klaproth,and Cool Man Eddie, but out in the lead, in first place is EDB! However, since Webster is the only panellist who survived until the end of the show, we say that he is the winner this week!
Applause
So it is just left for me to say thank you to our panellists Webster 1913, Klaproth, Cool Man Eddie and EDB. Thank you to Lucy Walker who has kept the score and blown her whistle with such delicacy. And finally, thank you to our wonderful noder audience at everything2.com who have supported us on their way. We are all indebted to Iain Messiter who invented this excellent game. And so, from the the teams, Lucy and me; Nicholas Parsons, good bye! Please join us the next time we play
Just a Minute!
Minute Waltz plays over the audience's applause