Well, I didn't think I'd be posting music to this website outside of daylogs and the homenode... but, this node exists now, and I have my own share of music that's shaken me to my core. I love sharing and receiving music. It's like collecting a hodge-podge of different people's personalities. Finding what I like, too.
Plus, this is what the internet was made for. None of that "perfect life" Facebook bullshit or scrolling brain-dead for two hours watching tik tok memes. (I still fall victim to both, so this is not a statement of condemnation; if it is, it is upon myself as well.) This is sharing the genuine, visceral moments of life with other human beings. Emphasis on genuine.
These are not in order of significance. They're not in any particular order, really.
There is one song that transcends this list and can be considered item no. zero, and that is Isle of The Dead by Rachmanninof. I remember listening to it on Wisconsin Public Radio one night just after a New Years Eve party when I was preparing myself for bed. I dropped everything and sat, watching at my grandmother's dated ceiling fan spin. How I felt in that moment is the most complete I have ever felt or will ever feel. I have been chasing that musical high ever since. Every single day. I still haven't found it. I have only ever felt complete in that moment.
The Five Songs
The first three
I remember laying in bed before I was diagnosed, just staring at the
ceiling and listening to these three songs on repeat. I felt everything
at once. I could feel the music ripple through my whole body. It is the
most cathartic, visceral music I have ever listened to. It was the
opposite of grounding. I felt so connected with my emotions, though. Just knowing that someone else has felt exactly as I have felt, someone has suffered like I've suffered, it felt so cathartic. I don't know if it was comforting. Maybe it was terrifying, in a way, honestly, just knowing that I'm not alone. I cried to these songs so many times. Probably the last time I cried was to a song by this artist (The Child we Lost, which I wont link here, though it is a contender.)
I have others from this same artist I can put here, but I will give some diversity.
La Dispute - A Letter
La Dispute - A Poem
La Dispute Why it Scares me
Nicole Dollanganger's music
This artist is extremely morbid, so I try to stay away from her music because it will pull me down into the dumps. I can't resist sometimes, though. I'll only share the one song, the one that impacts the most. I know that she's not singing from personal experience, and that it's supposed to "tell a story", but it just... it's visceral. The emotions feel so raw, pure. Maybe it's all for show. Who knows.
Nicole Dollanganger - Executioner (Demo)
E tu, brute?
The Buttress - Brutus
This is the singular song I like from this artist. It represents the story of Julius Caesar from the perspective of Brutus. The gender switches around for some reason, but the climax of the song sends tingles rippling across my spine. "I don't want what you have, I want to be you!" She's really playing the character down to his most basic human elements; jealously, sorrow, rage. I can feel it in her voice. It's amazing. It transcends experience.
The Five Albums
This has been in my heavy rotation for maybe 8 or 9 years now. I discovered them through a spotify playlist that someone posted on Discord. if I hadn't, I never would have found my favorite band. I actually really fucking disliked the person that shared it, but somehow I found this. The entropy of the universe is silly, the way things work out sometimes. I've listened to this album probably thousands upon thousands of times. I can sing almost every song word-for-word.
The Departure hits on "Night fell on me writing this, and I ran out of paper, so I crossed the name out at the top of the page. (I'm) not sure why I'm even writing this, but I guess it feels right. It sort of feels like I have to, like an exorcism." That's what this album is to me -- it's an exorcism. It's catharsis embodied in music.
I only recently got into this. I don't know if it's "shaken" me like the other songs, but it makes me feel a strong feeling that I have never, ever felt before. When I listen to her music, I feel like I can de-corporealize, like I'll just disintegrate into dust and blow off in a night-time wind. It's depersonalizing. It's ethereal. I have never felt this emotion with any other music; in that, it is completely unique.
I hope this doesn't seem navel-gazey. I'm just sharing my subjective experiences.
I don't have much to say on this one. I cried on The Child we Lost, and every other song hit me hard. Pay attention to the lyrics. Open them up somewhere when you listen to the album. Right at the end of that song, when the dying grandfather utters the name of the child that was miscarried... I do not know why, but I consistently cry when I hear that song.
The Remaining two Albums
There are so many good contenders that near my appreciation to these albums so much that honestly I can't fill the other two "slots" in this post in good faith. I would recommend checking out Jar by Superheaven and Puberty by Mitski. They don't get their own "slots", but they fill the last two vacancies. It's good music. I particularly like Mitski's song "I bet on Losing Dogs".
I'm ill right now and desparately needing excess sleep to fight it off. I could write more, but this writeup seems well-done enough to call it "enough". If anyone listens to the music I've linked, please let me know... I would really like to know your thoughts on it.