For the first time in my life,
I want to have a child. Sure, I’m a
dyke, but all people have at least one good
male friend, and that’s all you need.
This has to have been the longest month in my entire life…the last time I had to take a home
pregnancy test, I was
scared shitless, waiting to see two little pink lines, always having been told one line good, two lines bad...and now I am dying to see them. Aww, look, sweetie, look at all the pretty
irony…
My
fiancé ran out to get a test for me and brought back one called “First
Response.” The tests advertises all over the box in 36 sized font that it is so
sensitive, it can detect enough
hormone in the
urine stream to give a positive reading 3 days before your
period. Well, I tried it out, and after 3 tests, it’s still coming up
negative, and me due for my period in a day or two, with more
morning sickness than I know what to do with. Then I read the
brochure,
depression about my non-pregnant self having set in, and then I notice what it says. And I quote:
“The FIRST RESPONSE Early Pregnancy Test detects in urine the hormone your body makes during pregnancy: hCG (human chorionic gonadotropin). The FIRST RESPONSE Test is so sensitive that most women have enough hCG to be detected as early as three days before the expected period. The amount of pregnancy hormone increases as pregnancy progresses. In clinical testing, FIRST RESPONSE detected the hormone levels in 52% of women 3 days before their expected period, in 69% of women 2 days before, and in 86% of women 1 day before their expected period.”
Translation:
“Yeah, sure we can do it…but only on days that start with T and have an H in them.”
Right…I’ll just wait and see if I get my period in 2 days,
thank you very much.