I know I was awake before 5:30 am. It pretty typical for me these days. I seldom stay up late. Is this a fundamental change in who I am? Do different times in the day have different influences on your conscious mind? 10 to 15 years ago when I waited tables at IHOP I would go to sleep at 6am, now I'm getting up to go there. Only I don't have to be there until 9:30. So why didn't I stay up late last night?
I've said before that I'm not a social person. I love talking to people, but I don't really like groups. I love individual conversations. Maybe I'm too narcissistic to be anything less than half of something. Although I was recently told that I seem to be sharing more these days, as opposed to just asking questions. I'm not sure I'd go so far as to say I ask the "right" questions, but I am good at digging to get what I'm looking for. Provided the person I'm talking to doesn't lie to me. Even if I suspect I'm dealing with a liar I really have no clue what to do about it.
I have never had anything close to a full drink of alcohol in my life. That was my self congratulated way of segueing back to not being social. You hear that phrase: social drinker. Perhaps the criticisms of me not drinking are more founded than you might think. Perhaps it's a good example of me not letting my guard down. Perhaps I don't drink to get on edge on you.
Or maybe I'm just trying not to be me father.
I feel I'm pretty good at cutting to what I call "deciding factors." Really, I would say the deciding factor in my decisions to not go out these days are that I don't want to spend any money. I don't have a stable source of income, and I'd rather work on saving enough money until I feel I can make a credit card payment and reduce the amount of money I'm paying them every month. You could also argue that I like being different. I like this in-your-face, self-imposed poverty I've inflicted on myself, redundantly with hyphens. Really, if I were rich would I be out drinking with the people from work? I mean would I be not drinking while they drank? Would I be buying rounds? Maybe. I do like to see people have a good time. Obviously though, if I were rich I wouldn't be working at IHOP, and I'd have less and less contact with those people, and there you go.
What I DID do last night was drive my tired ass home and eat 3 turkey sandwiches. This is unremarkable if you know that I've been eating turkey sandwiches a lot since "the divorce." But oh no, THOSE turkey sandwiches were made from a package of 20 pieces of sliced turkey you buy at Wal-mart. What I ate last night was the same bread (that is actually cheaper from Smith's than Wal-mart, I didn't think that was even possible) and the same Best Food's Mayonnaise but THEY were made from the turkey my parents sent me.
My parents sent me a box. In it was a container of cookies, a bag of peas, some individually wrapped burritos, and something like 10 to 20 bags of meat. Kielbasa (The funny thing is I'm not even a huge fan of kielbasa, but as I may have mentioned before, not only am I adopted, but I always knew I was adopted. I may have also known that this was why my father was Irish, my mother was a mutt with some Russian in her, but I was mostly Polish. When I was young and I first heard about kielbasa, I found out it was Polish, so that and the fact that I thought it was a cool word made me "like it." To this day my parents think I love it) and ham and the turkey I mentioned. They practically filled my freezer.
So to say the sandwiches I ate last night were better than the Wal-mart meat kind is like saying tantric sex with your favorite pornstar is better than masturbation.
And there it is. I came up with that line (despite some writing advice I read that said to avoid similes and metaphors) and I liked it. THEN, I thought about using it as my facebook update. AND THEN it hit me.
Facebook updates are fleeting, daylogs are forever.